Hello again. I appreciate the
opportunity to share my humble life and human travails on the path to
self-discovery. Many adoptees are seeking more deeply for self-awareness
along with a growing number who are realizing life is more than the material
world. As an adoptee, I have learned that removing oneself from
one's experience in order to find an objective quality to reality is a
challenge indeed. It seems that as awareness increases with humility and
reverence, so does confidence and knowing.
The paradox is in the battle
of heart and mind, which is really no battle at all. The very basics of
understanding Oneness come from heart-centered living, which is what all the
spiritual masters and texts guide us toward. Life in the subtle frames of
spinning chakras and acquiescence to the Divine has many
trials and tribulations. Engaging the
Divine Flow in my life, through the eternal yet transient, has filled my
life with experiences of deep love and truth. In this path I grew in faith,
trust and allowing the Divine Presence within me to reflect that same
presence in others.
My personal literary influences in the interpretations
of the living awareness process have been folks from many professions -
Bibliography. I find comparative
data enriches one's knowledge. Experience, on the
other hand, leads me to say that had I not the direct experience of some
phenomenal things, up close and personal, I'd be real reluctant to believe
some or maybe all of the writings I've compiled here. Nevertheless my direct
experience allows me to share insights. Truth is beyond words, but we try to
use them anyway.
Suffice it that you don't
believe a thing.... or suspend your belief system, if you have one, while
reading for a bit. Another's experience doesn't matter anyway. It is your
own that counts as it is made personal, real and true for you. Admittedly,
I've lived a rather lonely life even with its richness. Many are having
'awakening' experiences now, so my trials and tribulations have found
purpose in the compassion and articulation. Ponder the possibilities of
synchronistic serendipity leading your personal experience of daily living.
I've even written a book on Creating Serendipity as a free download on
I remain rather aloof and
quite observant of the eventual outcomes as the spiritual life is way beyond my
own personal stuff and yet the personal stuff is where it is exemplified.
The 'I' transcends to 'we' and there is no ego without wego. My personal connection with
Consciousness and the determination to living in
integrity with anthropic intent rules my mind and heart. I am still in discovery and
recovery of the possibilities of an awakened consciousness. Cyberspace
allows the freedom to share, so I AM. What do I have to lose anyway? Many
who once thought me to be a bit 'nuts' have grown in their own quest for
understanding and learned some hard lessons. May they continue to be
blessed. We each have a purpose.
The links to the left go into
further details on various experiences and perspectives. The many writings cover topics from early memories of
telepathic communication, ETs,
UFOs and OBEs, to later experiences of
dimensions of time and space similar to what 'Contact' and 'The Matrix' movies
portray. My experiences predated the movies by decades, and I cried when I
saw similar visual creations. It was so comforting
to know that others took the time to produce such works of art, whether or
not their experiences were reflected in them. Everything points to the
center of one's being, the connecting point of consciousness on the cosmic
grid of eternal flow. Forgiveness and gratitude are unmistakable advantages
to life. It ripples through consciousness and time like the graphic of the
Fibonacci sequence below.
I've often thought that
my early adoption might have set me up psychologically for living the
impersonal life as I felt the family connection, yet there was still a
distance in the relationships. Quite serendipitously, my adoptive parents encouraged
intellectual and physical pursuits, yet they were challenged by my inquiries
beyond their personal experiences. In my youth I experienced many
paranormal occurrences, but shared few after my initial 'hey you'
initiation. I did attend Sunday School, though, where I began to
understand Christ's teachings in a much different way that was intended.
After sharing a
event shortly after my 18th birthday, they became quite concerned about my
sanity caused by the paradox of love for me and fear of my seeming
diversion from normal reality. Megalomania and the
befalls a number of experiencers during the early stages of their path to
understanding, especially after their initiation into the Light. If they
are able to remain aware and observant, one realizes that an inspired life
is unfolding from moment to moment. I have a great admiration and love for
my parents now, especially after becoming a father and grandfather.
I began to question my
sanity again in my early 30s when I was given the name 'Zendor' via a guy
15 years my senior one night after having asked, "Who am I?" Strange thing
was, I didn't verbalize my question. He simply blurted out, "You are
Zendor" within seconds of my internal question. At the same instant I saw
a starscape with a stone-arched wooden door in the center of it, slowly
opening toward me. What does one do with such an extraordinary experience?
How does one integrate this deeply connected Self with the self of daily
duty and responsibility? I'm still working on the answer after a
half-century. I've come up with some pretty sound methodologies and apply
them in my
life coaching practice.
I also share a personal testimony of Jesus Christ
that many in the world of organized religion would probably label blasphemous
and indeed my sharing in an evangelical church here in Phoenix prompted
several well-intended members to visit my (then) wife to inform her that I
was full of Satan and she needed to leave me as soon as possible... It
is what it is. Without even knowing it these folks did exactly what a
fear-based belief system would cause, rather than embrace and learn from
one who was truly no threat.
understand it, Jesus makes no separation of religious affiliation,
cultural bigotry, national boundary, or political allegiance for that
matter. He is a our brother, not necessarily a savior (not everyone has
awareness of him), although access to him is
nonetheless available. He does epitomize the 'son of God' just as he said
we could, going so far as to tell Thomas he was god as Jesus was god. We are individually responsible for our
connection with creation. All of us are sons and daughters of our
material/spiritual parents from long ago. They are responsible for
human creation and our solar system, which we have yet to
understand completely. We still tend to separate rather than harmonize.
The zen master within Christ's spiritual stewardship is quite obvious. His message of the Kingdom being at hand
(or rather, 'within') simply meant one's
spiritual integrity leads to harmony of people - I will include 'and
planet' as a reference to actions of conscience. As Jesus said, "When your
enemy is thirsty, give him water. When he is hungry, give him food."
How can we live in duality and still speak of unconditional love and
oneness? The 'what is' of our spiritual path is that WE ARE ALL CONNECTED.
A fearful ego tends to create separation while a loving ego tends to find
collaboration in service.
Love your neighbor as yourself
and live in the knowledge that you are god just as much as your enemy is
god. This is only an example of the polarity paradigm paralysis that
humankind is caught in. This is the GREAT LIE. We are ONE and God WILL
dwell with man, even though actions of ego and the little self keeps us in
a state of chaos. Imagine, as the definition of 'satan' suggests (from the
Greek 'thetan' which means 'thinker'), that our battles are only of the
mind. We create the duality by our belief systems and superstition rather
than the facts of science and the new understanding of limitless
oscillating vibrational energy (love) permeating creation.
Sri Aurobindo once said that in order to find your
center you must leap into the middle of chaos or confusion. The awareness of non-dualistic living promotes the
discovery of the transcendent universal processes. It is quite the
challenge in the face of the 'apparent' reality of the threat of terror.
Here's a thought: Ancient Chinese philosophy of war is to divide the
people against themselves through creating hostility between them. Let us
begin to consider peace and harmony. This discovery
leads to the experience of consciousness and the Unity of the Cosmos. This is the Dream
of the innocent child: to play with other children in harmony... to love and
In the links to the left
you will find various attempts at communicating, relating some of my
experiences, including some things on the fringe of psychospiritual and
scientific exploration in relation to the process of self-actualization
(understanding that we are gods in embryo). The false belief systems of
fear, guilt and shame have kept many from finding their true path in
connection with ALL THAT IS that is WITHIN US ALL, just waiting to
explode/implode... rising from the ashes of the PHIre. Phoenix rises
within us all in these times of planetary transformation. As Jesus was
quoted as saying, "The Word is in your heart." This means it is not static
but ever-present and available.
Herman Hesse once
wrote, "Every transition from major to minor in a sonata, every
transformation of a myth or a religious cult, every classical or artistic
formulation was, I realized in that flashing moment, if seen with truly a
meditative mind, nothing but a direct route into the interior of the
cosmic mystery, where in the alternation between inhaling and exhaling,
between heaven and earth, between Yin and Yang, holiness is forever being
Buried deep within us, behind all
of the internal dialog and mental chatter, is the Voice of the Soul. It
has long been said that 'in the depths of silence is the Voice of Being.'
It is the same in my experience. All principle processes (self-awareness
and actualization) are the same for everyone, even though the individual
expressions of Divinity, your True Self, are as different as individual
snowflakes. We all have passions for a purpose much greater than we
currently serve (except in rare instances), yet we allow ourselves to be
locked into the safety and security of worldly
endeavors, i.e., a career or job, that are only partially fulfilling while
'paying the bills.' Trials and tribulations in the travails can be
transcended through faith, trust and allowing change in our lives.
Admittedly this Work is nothing short of
an all-consuming effort to attempt to make sense of all this experiential
existence. I've done my best to relate as objectively as I
can, and I don't expect you to understand everything. I sure as heck
don't yet. I'm not always comfortable in my own
discovery process, so how can I expect another to comprehend the
incomprehensible. Evolving into the
Path of Soul is not a 'get rich quick' scheme. It takes time, patience, unconditional
love, and a constant vigilance regarding your own
actions and thoughts, which often leads to key elements of forgiveness and
gratitude. For me, everything is sacred yet nothing is sacred.
Simply, all things are open to sincere questioning... including my own
experience. Every question has an answer. Are we asking the right ones?
Zardo on Zendor
"Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do
we begin to find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent
of our relations."
--Henry David Thoreau
"A point of perspection dances in the balance of the seer's vision."