Early Initiations
We moved into a
new house my father had designed just after my seventh birthday and the VOICE
continued to be part of my private inner life. I also practiced the interaction
with the VOICE through the window in my bedroom in the evenings after dark. It
was such an exhilarating experience that words, in my young vocabulary, were not
available to express. The experience resided in more of a feeling than could be
talked about or discussed, so it was fitting that I had few discussions with my
adoptive parents. They were a true Godsend to me, though, as I lived in a home
that was full of intelligence, love and trust. Mom was middle school English and
Literature teacher with two master's degrees, Music and English. She was very
involved with the choir at the United Methodist Church they attended. Dad was a
Tool & Die maker for General Motors, an avid mystery and sci-fi reader, and
a 32nd Degree Mason.
We
lived in a small subdivision of about 25 homes that was surrounded on three
sides by farmland or grazing fields, right on the north edge of town (pop 7500).
There was a drainage ditch for the fields that ran along the north and
west sides of the development that I spent a lot of time playing in and around,
and two large oak trees on the northeast corner (furthest from town), just
across the ditch. I would spend
hours and hours in those trees and often walked back to the woods a few hundred
yards further to the north. The
rest of the children on the block did not have similar interests, so much of the
time I spent alone, except when we would play games once or twice a month or
someone would have a birthday party.
During this time I began having out of body experiences. When they first began, it was rather intimidating. As I was drifting off to sleep, I would reach a place where I felt like a balloon full of helium, and would begin to rise out of my body. The first few times I only got partially out and snapped back in because I got a little scared. It was a totally new experience to me, so I was uncomfortable to begin with, much the same as many who first experience OBEs. In time, the feeling of floating, and even rising, became more comfortable. My recollection of what would happen upon exiting was minor. I usually would drift off somewhere and return in the morning refreshed and ready for the day. I enjoyed life then, so each new day was exciting to me.
Looking back I realize that finding comfort in feeling out of control was a key factor in spiritual development, remaining calm in the chaos so to speak. It is often that very sense of 'fear' that keeps us from transcending current predicaments or situations in which we feel helpless. The same internal process of overcoming fear, one small step at a time, is the persistence that one needs in daily living. As one releases the constrictions associated with fear they are able to move through the door of opportunity, aware of the sense of accomplishment and well-being in the absence of fear, which leads to the expansion of unconditional love within one's consciousness and sensory array.
My inner experiences began to change during the fall the next year. I remember waking up one night, or at least it felt like I woke up, looking down from the upper left corner of my bedroom above where I was sleeping. The funny thing was that I was still lying in bed, too. I watched myself get out of bed, open my bedroom window, climb out, and walk towards the field that was just a few hundred feet to the northeast from our home. I followed myself and observed as I climbed over the fence and into the field (approx. 10 acres), walking out into the middle of it. As I continued to walk I began rising up into the air and when I looked up I saw a bright orange almost florescent cloud that kind of resembled a huge cigar several hundred yards long. As I reached the perimeter of the cloud and started to enter it, the part of me that was watching suddenly began being drawn into the body that was going into the cloud. The next thing I was aware of was waking up in bed the next morning, with a sense of wonderment, somewhat bewildered, yet energized by the experience, almost like I had been with someone or ones that were very enjoyable.
These experiences continued for about two years, occurring at least twice a month or so for the duration. As time progressed, I did find myself contemplating greater depths of reality and the feelings of connectedness. I still didn't have the intellectual vocabulary to 'think' about it a lot, though. These 'feelings' were deep inside, beyond what my mind would or could think about most of the time. Occasionally, I would have glimpses of how my thoughts, naturally occurring ones that came without provocation, influenced my surroundings and the near immediate response relative to my cognition. There had been times when I was a couple of years younger where I was entering the back of the sanctuary at church and naturally thought, 'Hello,' to the congregation as I walked in with Mom and Dad. What was weird was that nearly all of the people turned their heads and looked at us when I spoke the greeting with my mind. I never thought about it being strange at the time, though.
Many years later, in my mid-20s, I was in a metaphysical book store in Muncie, Indiana, where one of those 'weird' things happened. A book fell off the shelf as I was walking down the isle. I reached down to pick it up and without looking at the cover I opened it and began reading. The first paragraph I read was about UFO contactee reports from the Midwest in the late 50s to around the mid-60s. Yep, you guessed it, the most common experience was of the orange cigar-shaped clouds. For a few moments I stood dumbfounded and elated at the same time. It did absolutely no good for me to say anything to anyone at that time. This was there for me to connect with me again, even if just for a moment. I am strangely honored and bewildered by some inner knowing that I am not from here...and yet I AM. I know there are others, too.
Over the years I've had this 'sense' of things from time to time that I still have a great challenge to explain in rational terms. I seem to know things beyond the scope of human experience or scientific exploration. In most cases I have a deep detachment to being 'important' as I know that there is much more to life than what our silly human consciousness is able to comprehend to date. There are also situations where I will suddenly find myself 'involved' with a thought process that has several perspectives. Part of me watches as another greater part (usually distant and subdued) comes to the surface and interacts with levels of consciousness I can barely understand, let alone command. Of course I've researched the DSM-IV and every other possible nuance of the human psyche to explain these phenomena. There is something more, something wonderful, something magnificent about being human that is much more connected than we can imagine. It appears that in order to find it, we have to be challenged by things much greater than we believe we can handle.